Lost Like Gracie

Tonight I watched an episode of Mad Men (season 2, episode 4) and what really struck a chord was how people expect you to behave. I understand that in every environment, one has to change their personality slightly to adjust to the climate so to speak. That is, if you are in a corporate meeting, you have to dress appropriately aka. Professionally; and approach people with a professional demeanour. You can’t behave like you would at karaoke (and rapping Eminem) when you are in a business meeting.

Whenever one goes for a job interview, the tip you always hear is ‘just be yourself’. Which is essentially a bit of bullshit because what they really mean is ‘just be your self and adapt to the role/person that will suit the job role and work environment”.

There’s not much you can do about that. But what about in the context at a social level?

Let me tell you the background of the Mad Men scenario. A girl called Peggy had an affair with a married douche (I mean, ‘married man’ who is a major douche) and she has a child out of wedlock (shock, horror – this show was based in the 1950’s so it was a huge deal then). Following from the child’s birth, she gives the child away and goes on with her life – getting promoted because she’s good at her job and moving on. Yet her sister resents her for it and goes to a confessional (which if you think about it, it’s kind of like a psychologist except it’s free! Gosh I’m Asian) to bitch about her sister and how awful it is that Peggy is not showing any remorse for the events had passed. She claims that Peggy should feel guilty for what she’s done and show it and that the people around her (Peggy) should not be helping her and treating her like a good person.

This is interesting because it shows

1. Society’s expectations of peoples behavior and
2. People’s jealousy (I’ve discussed this before after watching the movie Boy A. It’s a good one and definitely worth watching).

Is it right that Peggy is not remorseful or guilty and if she is, does she have to show it to prove that she is? We don’t know but I think she would think about the child every day. If I am deeply hurt, I don’t like showing the world my weakness or grief. I think it’s better to do what lions do when they are injured and go to a corner to lick their wounds, only coming out when they are stronger. This way, no one can take advantage of you.

Having said that, just because we feel grief, doesn’t mean we have to show it to the world. If society continues to expect people to show their feelings whether it be guilt or sadness then it creates a very superficial and ingenuine society.

What I’m basically saying is you can’t judge people and their reactions to certain events as a means to pigeon hole them. That’s what gossip magazines do – ‘oh so-and-so wasn’t upset that so-and-so died because they weren’t crying. If someone ‘should’ be suffering and doesn’t show it, it doesn’t’ mean they aren’t. Each person deals with situations differently and whether or not their reaction is or is not warranted, it’s not for us to judge.

I really appreciate the chill out time to be alone. I think everyone should have a time out especially on days when they are stressed. Perhaps what we tend to do and what we’ve been accustomed to is whenever we have a bad day or something terrible has happened, we find solace with other people. Instead of having time to think and reflect on yourself you end up repressing the negative thoughts and delaying the reality.

I can honestly say I’ve always been a coward. I’ve never had deal with confrontation and always had people to face my battles for me. For my whole life, if something gets too hard I run away – in relationship, in work, at university. And I’ve had the luxury of running away and never having to think about it again. But what I’ve discovered is that the same issues and problems can still arise so you can’t run away forever. By talking to people and taking drugs, chilling out or doing anything to get your mind off it is not a solution. Those who have just gone through a heart break might use another person to distract them from the truth that they are heartbroken. Those who have just lost someone close to them may resort to drugs or alcohol – just to numb themselves. People who have had a shit day will find company and ‘party it up’ to avoid facing what’s really happening.

Obviously this is not the solution. The best thing to do is to be alone and think about what has happened and why. Truly go down the fine detail. If she left you – why? If the boss is mad – why? If someone is offended – why? Think about yourself and your behavior. The only way to do that is if you do it alone without any distractions or friends telling you ‘he’s such an asshole’ or ‘but you’re so nice’ bull shit. This is all noise in the outside world and no one likes to hear anything bad so whatever people say, I’d be skeptical about.  Don’t be distracted by outside influences that are only short term mends to what could be a potential long term issue about a negative trait you may have.

I’ll share a story. I was applying to some grad jobs at those big ass firms and got to the last stage at which point I was rejected. Yes, I was upset – positively devastated. In that time I had friends who consoled me and said they were douches, there’s better opportunities, they don’t know what they’re losing out on etc. And you do need that, don’t get me wrong (because it definitely helps make you feel better!). The important thing to remember is that there is a reason why they reject people. Did they miss a brilliant quality that everyone else can see but them? No. They have their reasons for doing so and you have to reflect and put yourselves in their shoes – would you hire you? (Don’t be biased or this philosophical talk won’t work :p). Seriously though, there is a reason for everything and if you’re not good enough, work out why (and do it ALONE – but ask for feedback if you think you’re THAT awesome :/).

Wow. I give a whole new meaning to that proverb. So just a few days ago I was feeling pretty good and gung ho about my achievement in sticking up for myself and having the courage to be honest with people (even if it was going to be controversial and even a bit negative on the other party).

The party was short lived. Long story short, our consequent communications were in a mess and resulted in a very sour taste in everyone’s mouth. Most meetings are better held in person and very few problems can be dealt through written means (unless you have an awesome lawyer who can write iron clad contracts to screw others – I need to get me one of those! Just kidding. Not.:/)

Lesson #1 learned – do NOT ever communicate anything important in words. Once they are on paper they can be shown to everyone and not ever be taken back. It’s the same as when you write love letters to someone and promise you love them forever – what happens when you break up? The evidence of your prior promises are still there, but just broken.

Lesson #2 – Choose your battles wisely. You can’t win all of them so let the small ones pass so when it comes down to the important ones, it gives you more credibility. How do you know which battles are small? How the hell do I know, I stuffed up!! I should be giving better advice than that – the way to know is to think about the long term effects and focus on the outcome for everyone. If it’s not worth the potential worst case scenario – don’t do it.

Ok, so even whilst the relationship with some people are temporarily damaged (I hope) it’s always important to stay positive and look at the other side of things and life. If you look at the bigger picture, this is a small hiccup in the scheme of things. In 3 months, 3 years, 30 years even 80 years we’re all going to be dead (sorry for sounding so somber) so what the hell is this little mishap? It’s nothing. It’ll be extremely disappointing if after all this you don’t end up learning from it. People can be irrational when they’re angry and fire before thinking it through. I used to have a hot temper but I’ve slowly learned when you’re pissed off or emotional, give it time to breathe and blow over. Remember to put things into perspective – you’ve got your health, your friends, your family and so much ahead of you. Are you going to let something that is going to be miniscule a few months down the track stop you from your path of achieving great things? And comparing what little crisis you may have (and it better not goddam be a fashion crisis), compare your situation to world crisis and think how lucky you are. In this situation, comparing business to business – this is nothing compared with what Qantas have had to deal with. Think about that before you start complaining about how hard your situation is. That is Lesson #3.

Lesson #4 – IF a crisis has been created, look at people’s reactions and learn from their behavior to know what you should do/not do when things happen to you. I’ve learnt that being brash and irrational can be hurtful to others. I’ve also learnt from in this scenario the importance of being diplomatic and keeping a cool head. It’s the latter style you want to learn.

Lesson #5 – Acknowledge your mistakes and shortcomings. It’s the assholes’ who think they’re the best and don’t give a shit about changing that won’t succeed in life. That’s not to say that thinking you’re the best is a bad thing. I think confidence is important and standing up for yourself and what’s right. If we were all pushovers, we’d be pretty boring to hang out with. It’s just a matter of curbing that ego and enthusiasm about yourself so when you talk to people, you come across as original – and not a douche.

Honestly, I surprised myself today with this scene. I am usually such a cry baby especially when other people are upset or angry at me but today, I stepped up and did not cry.  I didn’t even need a hug! That made me realize that we are all stronger than we think. When you have to be strong, you can’t cry and hide in a corner. Who respects a mother who doesn’t protect her children when they’re in danger because she wants to protect herself? In a broader context, who respects someone who runs with their tail (if they had one) between their legs? I know I wouldn’t. I also know that as a business owner, when shit happens you have to take responsibility, be accountable for your actions/behavior and put on a tough front. Otherwise, no one would not respect you or look to you for direction.

Whilst it’s been a pretty shit day (one of the most intense this year) I’m still feeling pretty good about it. Life is all about perception so if you think that this pissy little spot fire is going to be the end of the world then you’d never pick yourself and keep going. Those who suck it up, reshine their armour and head back into battle are the ones I’ll respect. Life’s not always going to be rosy but it’s important to learn from all the harsh lessons life deals you. It’s up to you whether you want to sulk or take it on board – and move on.

Peace out G Bear.

I haven’t written in here for a long while and there’s a lot to update. Yet of course I have to choose the best time to write something – I have an interview with a top 4 firm tomorrow (will update you later) and I have to prepare!!!

Haven’t written in the while and I think that’s why my site is spammed. So remember, to keep writing in your blog/diary. It’s the best way to think clearly and not be affected by outside influences. That’s my 2 cents.

Until next time dear friends!

Once again I will have to link the analogy I make about business with relationships. As some of you might know, I recently took on a lovely girl to help with the business. She was so helpful and sweet and really in line with the branding of Sweetsia. I met her less than a month after I officially ‘founded’ the company. Because I’m a big people person, I find that I personally need to be around other people and piggy back off their positive energy. That’s how I roll. The topic of this post is about ‘breaking up’ and when you know it’s the right thing or not.

So when I met her and we instantly clicked, I thought it would be perfect! Someone else to help me with the business – yay! During this time, we spent time trying to define the business, solidify the business plan and bringing everything into action. As this is my first start-up, I’m still learning, experimenting with what works and learning how to run a business. I realise now that you can’t direct people if you have no idea which direction the company is taking.

I guess both of us were feeling the same about her role within the company – unsure. So it was inevitable. But there are a couple of lessons I’ve learnt through this experience.

1. As a startup and an entrepreneur, you have to have had experience in all roles and all aspects of the business. This is how you get your authority and respect otherwise you’re talking shit if you’re telling people how to do something you’ve never done before.

2. Be verrrrrry slow to commit. She was wonderful but I think I jumped the gun with buying her business cards. FYI they come in 1000…I guess it was also my fault for being so eager and quick. I’m quite impulsive so I suppose that’s also why my parents think what i’m doing now is just a ‘hobby’.

3. Be honest with each other. I guess this wasn’t a lesson I learned but I think it’s very important and I just wanted to reiterate it.

4. Be clear on where the company’s going so you can direct people.

Although I’m quite sad that the girl has ‘resigned’ so to speak (she was never formally hired, but I did want to give  her part of the business eventually), I think we both felt it was the best thing. It was an amicable split and I know that in the future if I do need help or if there’s an official position, she’d definitely be on board. Which brings me to lesson #5. Never break ties with people (unless they’re a*holes). I’m the type of person who doesn’t hold grudges or resentment and I believe this makes one happier as a person. When you break up with someone, there’s no point in hating them because at some point in your relationship, you both loved each other. Even if something doesn’t work out, it’s important to maintain good relations as you never know what the future might hold.

I was very close to giving up today. I don’t know where the business is going and I don’t know what I’m doing. It seems like Sweetsia is going everywhere and no where at the same time.

I attended my second class of Masters of Entrepreneurship and Innovation at Swinburne today and had to do a one minute pitch. Fail. How can I pitch correctly when I  have no idea myself where the business is going and who the target is? It’s been like this for months now and you’d think I’d be having the market downpat but no…

At least with starting the business I’m learning more and more about myself. I realise that I definitely need to be around people (otherwise I’ll go crazy) and that I’m not so focused. I’m easily influenced which is why I’ve tried every single different market because each person is telling me to give a particular market a shot.

I really need to set aside some time by myself without anyone around me and set out what exactly I need to do. It’s going to get even busier now with assignments coming up but if other people can handle so much (business, uni, job at the same time) then why can’t I? The funny thing is, honestly I don’t need to work so hard so why the hell do I try so hard??!! In a way, it’s almost stupid. The reasoning is that I’m aiming high and fear of failure. I don’t want to be average in life. And if you don’t want to be average, you have to work for it. Nothing comes easy and nothing is free.

Apologies if this is not the usually cheerful Gracie Bear self so that’s why, tonight, I’m going to read and clear my head of any stress so you guys can get your original Gracie bear back!

I’ve been terribly unmotivated in recent times. Being at home by yourself, not interacting with others can be very depressing and lonely. That is perhaps why those collaborative working spaces are so helpful. There’s two that I’ve been to – The Hub which is Upstairs from the Donkey Wheel on Bourke st, next to Kinfolk cafe; and the other is Melbourne Jelly which happens every fortnight.

I love these kinds of places because seeing other people work gets me motivated. It also helps when you’ve got other people in the same boat who may be able to help you with business problems. The ideal situation is to find a team, or a couple of people who either in your business OR if you’re a lone soldier like myself, work with others who are also starting up.

Finding like minded, hardworking people is rare…but they do exist. Especially if you go to those networking events where all the businesses are just starting out and open to ideas and sharing their experiences.

Now that I know the type of person I am (who likes to be around others), I am going to organise working with other people and setting aside a time such that when I work….I actually work. So when I play – I can play hard too!

It’s been so longgggg since i was meant to write a blog post. So much for trying to write one everyday. I’ve been procrastinating like mad. Before I sat down to write I was thinking about how I needed to write one, then I went to get some food, then I went to check my emails and then I set myself a goal to do one of those online logic puzzles before I started writing…It was the same problem I had yesterday when I had to mow the lawn. Other things was just more important – like getting something to eat.

My point is that there are some things in life which are hard to do but once you start, you really get into it and then it’s not as bad as it seems. It also helps if you have someone who makes you accountable. It’s hard when you have to be accountable for yourself and you’re lazy like myself.

Anyway, I will make an extra effort to write something interesting everyday (even if that means giving up playing games of MarioKart or watching movies or eating). But definitely find someone who’ll kick your butt if you DON’T do what you say you will do.

A lot of the things I do aren’t the most effective. I tend to waste a lot of time on my business. Say for example, I would organise meetings all over town so I’d be driving all day.

That’s why it’s so important to actually ‘spend time’ writing up a plan/strategy. At first instance (oh dear, that’s my law education coming in), it seems that it’d be a waste of time to do it. Especially as entrepreneurs, all you want to do it ‘get things done’ and coming from past experience – not necessarily thinking it through.

At the moment, I’ve hooked up with (there’s my relationships analogies coming through) several student clubs and offering their members a special discount. I’m also running a competition for…I guess the month of February. They’re going to be a batch of catered cookies (ie. 50 large cookies) for everyone who signs up to the Sweetsia Mailing List. I haven’t really thought this through…I kind of did it on a whim. Once again, it’s an example of my impulsiveness (not always a good thing but at least it means stuff DOES get done). Hence…need to think this through and see how long the competition will run for and how to promote it.

Anyway, I had been trying several markets and outlets (as I’d mentioned in my previous blogpost like florists, cafes, unis, corporates) but it’s like trying 10 different things and doing all of them half arsed. In other words, I’d be much better off focusing on one.

I’d met Barbara recently from BeesKneez and she makes brownies. We’re doing very similar things – home made sweets to order. She is definitely one of the most helpful and relevant people I’ve met so far so if there’s one piece of advice I can give, it’s to find someone who was in the exact same position you are in so you can pretty much follow in their footsteps. After speaking with her, I realise I need to walk before I run so I’m going to concentrate on those who have already ordered and a smaller market. This whole time I’ve been doing the ‘push’ strategy but for the next couple of weeks I’m going to go for more of a ‘pull’ where customers will ask and demand for cookies. This way, I’d be able to take it a bit easier and focus on my dad’s business…and enjoy the other things I like doing like reading, cooking, singing, dancing, knitting…

When you’re a startup, collaborations are quite important. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, the most effective way to do business is to piggy back off successful related business. So in my case, I guess it’s easier because I’m selling a product that other people can stock and sell. Essentially I’m using their customer database and their logistics to get customers to ‘pull’ for my product. Ok, honestly right now it’s a way to ‘push’ my product! Either way, no matter what industry you’re in – service or product, you can partner with related businesses and offer referral services. It’s all about give and take so if someone is helping you with referrals, you’d do the same.

Now relating it back to practical application with Sweetsia Cookies, I walked along Puckle st with a basket of cookies to hand out to various florists. It was before christmas so they were quite busy…they told me to come back in the New Year. Now you guys will be impressed with the way I dealt with the florist. One of them, I had sent an email (no reply) so then I called and the owner told me to come back after Valentines. This was early Jan. I got the impression that she was under the presumption she would buy the cookies. Yes, that was the idea but the moment I heard her hesitation I immediately interrupted and told her I wanted to provide her cookies to give our for free for a month. That got her attention! And the following day I paid her a visit and dropped off the first batch of cookies. I spent 15 minutes or so talking to her and built up a relationship that way and now she’s starting to buy my cookies!

The florist we’re now working with is  in Pratt st, Moonee Ponds and stock Sweetsia Cookies in lovely glass jars wrapped up with blue and pink ribbons! We will also be stocking a collection of cookies at their other store at 83 Sydney Rd, Brunswick. They are delivered weekly and there are only a few so make sure you call to place an order and reserve your cookie jar!

The other partnership we’re currently in negotiations with is a couple of cafes. One of which is run by the coffee guru, Seven Seeds owner, Salvatore. If you want to know how I got this awesome contact, read my blogpost about networking!